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Jess's World

My weird, twisted, messed up world...welcome!

Dont try and understand me, just accept me
DSCN0111.JPG
ok so im a but unique

The M5
Beautiful isn't it
 
 

Don't you just hate those annoying telemarketer calls? Well here's something that might work.
 
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T ...

ME: Is this AT&T.?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ....

ME: This is AT&T.?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ....

ME: Is this AT&T.?

AT&T: Yes!  This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.Byron, please.?

ME: May I ask who is calling.?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

ME: Ok, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone.  I ate my salad.
Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

ME: Hello.?

AT&T: Is this Mr.  Byron.?

ME: May I ask who is calling, please.?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...

ME: This is AT&T.?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...

ME: The phone company.?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

ME: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr.  Byron.  We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
365 days a year.

ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right!  24 hours a day!

ME: 7 days a week.?

AT&T: That's right.

ME: 365 days a year.?

AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I am definitely interested in that!  Wow!!!
That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

ME: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

ME: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance.?

AT&T: Excuse me.?

ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about.?

ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute,
24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year.
I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh, no, sir.  I didn't mean we'd be paying you.  You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute?  Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme.?
I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for ...

ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN!  Can I speak to a supervisor please.?

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor.!

AT&T: Yes, Mr.  Byron.  Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

SUPERVISOR: Mr.  Byron.?

ME: Yeth.?

SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

ME: Is This A T & T.?

SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.

ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food.  It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

ME: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls.  I need to end this conversation.  Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr.  Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?

ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: click........


Ok so as you can tell, i am a one-of-a-kind species. Yep. Girly, but not too girly, classy but not too classy, funny but not to funny, dirty but not to dirty, sporty but not to sporty. But most of all, i am most know for smiling. Yep it cant help not smiling, i smile when im happy, mad, sad, glad, you get the picture.

See, Colgate Smile :)
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Its like my mouth never shuts

Dont worry Mom...
Wild and out of control Jessica Alise Jimenez
..she didnt drink the whole thing

A little while after the picture above
Poor jessie, she needs her rodrigo bear
..she didnt feel too good

*Disclaimer*
Dont worry these pictures were staged.  Everyone knows that Jess is a wimp and she would never drink of drop of booze.  Shes not and alcholie...yet


Since Im such a good friend, i decided to make a list
of everything I will do for you.

Dearest Friend,
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you
plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you
sad.

When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is
choking you.

When you are scared, I will rag you about it every
chance I get.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible
stories about how much worse it could be and to quit
whining.

When you are confused, I will use little words to
explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick, stay away from me until you're
well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I will point and laugh at your
clumsy ass.

This is my oath, I pledge 'til the end. Why you may
ask?
Because you're my friend!

P.S. A friend will help you move. A really good
friend will help you move a body.

 
 
 
 
 

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